You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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