Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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