so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize