We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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