I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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