He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize