I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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