John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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