2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize