dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize