I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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