fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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