Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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