Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were destined to go to rehab together
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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