new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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