You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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