Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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