I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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