It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize