Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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