i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize