My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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