Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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