I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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