Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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