yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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