That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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