I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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