I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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