Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize