And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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