You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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