I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize