I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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