I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize