dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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