We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want her autograph on my taint
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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