Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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