I have demons in me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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