Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize