I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize