evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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