You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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