so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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