Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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