Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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