dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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