I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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