i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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