I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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